One of my PPN (Personal Pivotal Need) is “Liberty”. All my DMP (Definite Major Purpose), my vision of my future self, is articulated around “Liberty”. For a few months now I am in action striving for my objective.
This week I had the intense conscious that the job I am doing (working as a freelance), the one that is my cash-cow, is tightening me. It is refraining me from reaching higher goals in the development of my network. I indeed need to go outside of the house (I am working from home) and meet the world. But how can I as my freelance activity needs me behind the phone almost all day long ? I haven’t found the way yet to develop a constant flow of contacts. Therefore I want to free myself of this job and I am creating a strong demand to the Universe to free me from this company. As I am a commercial agent for them, even though being freelance, when they get rid of my services they owe me 2 years of commissions (according to the French Law).
Maybe this is not the solution the Universe has for me ??? This week I had a very interesting meeting leading me to part of the solution. But though I would really love the one of being fired. So, am I asking the right way ? My desire is truly intense and I feel very inspired by this solution. Let’s see how things are going to happen …
Something new from this week too is the combination of sit and movement I created for myself. May sound a bit contradictory but it is really efficient for me. On the one hand I need to exercise. On the other hand I skip the sit most of the time because of lack of time and also because I haven’t found any benefit yet. Then I bike (we have a hometrainer on the deck with an awesome view) and at the same time I practice some positive thoughts or the exercices Haanel is advising every week. This works very efficiently for me and I am happy to stick to this routine !
My inner world is a world of discoveries …
By following the MKMMA I see my life as a construction site. And the construction appears bigger and bigger every day. My consciousness of my inner world grows. I discover an inner world that doesn’t match the person I would love to be (= the future me). What I realize grows and grows and I do not feel something is changing. Yet my consciousness is getting more acute, more precise.
Beside the MKMMA I am creating a business, starting some network marketing activities, investing: I am in action, preparing and installing things in order to achieve my objectives, … Something is growing I can feel it. On the other side I feel as well a strong force, a strong hand holding me back. What is it ? Why ? What is there that I haven’t worked on ? What is there that I haven’t realized ? What is in my subconscious that is refraining me from reaching results ?
I wish I could get at least a little sign of manifestation, of materialization. Sometimes I lose courage, I feel exhausted.When are things going to happen ? What is the next step in order to be stronger than that force holding me back from my objectives ? I would love to see at least some results …
As I often remind the 7 days mental diet I came to the conclusion that remaining positive while getting mad at my daughters was kind of contradictory. Therefore I transform the 7 days mental diet by the 7 days without being a roaring mum. First step of that program was to have full nights without being waken up for any reason. This is a done deal ! For a few nights now we can sleep without being waken up, after 6 years of disrupted sleep YES ! And guess what ? Being better rested it seems far more easier to express negative feelings without erupting like a volcano. 5 days already: this is really cool ! I love it ! On the way to full harmony within our family …
Waow this friday, end of the day. I did not see the week going …
First I could stick all week to my MKMMA routine: waking-up at 6 am, starting with MK and Og readings, then sit for 15 minutes, then writing gatitude cards and flashing the cards. Then I added a new component to my daily routine: exercise !!! Now everyday, before lunch either I bike for 30 minutes, either I go out with our doggy for a brisk walking (I do not like running; it breaks my body !). Waow it feels really good to exercise back !
Great achievement of the week: I went to a fiduciary and started the process to officially create my business (in France you have this internediary status of “auto-entrepreneur” meaning you are not really an entrepreneur). The meeting with the certified accountant was really interesting. So I get myself ready for some paperwork activities !
What else ? Lots of fights with our daughters … Seem that we have to revise the way we are expressing our authority ! Quite a disenchantment for me as I deeply believed we could do differently. That with discussion things could go the ideal way, that they would understand and not confront us. Nope ! This is not the way it works !
Sunday night Eloa, my eldest daughter, woke me up I was sleeping for about 30 minutes in my first stage sleep. I could not fall back asleep or maybe 30 minutes before the alarm at 6 am. All day long I felt nausea and headache. Just to know that our nights are interrupted for 6 years now !!! We are stronlgy working on that but the results are not always perfect ;c)) When I feel that tired and that bad there is no way for me to be compassionate and patient. Then I do not like myself. When I feel that tired I feel caught back by my old blueprint. Then I think that there is no point following the MKMMA. Then I feel even worse. When I feel that tired I am just pissed of by everything and I hate myself. What an awful day !!!
And now for the last 2 days I have a major wake-up call … I feel that I do not have charisma. I feel people are not treating me as if I were 41 years old. I feel people always need to protect me or to give me advice. I feel like being the daughter of some of them. It looks like people do not realize that I have a life experience behind me. I know why it is so: I always put others on a pedestal as if they knew more than me, as if they had more experience, as if they were doing better than me… Waow I hate that ! I want this to stop ! I want to show my charisma and I want to inspire others, to be a source of inspiration, to be an example for my daughters. Ok something else to work on …
My n°1 virtue is enthusiasm. I chose this one because of the MKMMA team inviting us to read loud with enthusiasm and that I feel unable to do so. Not a single time could I speak loud. I feel I have enthusiasm (otherwise I could not be in) but it remains inside. I could observe some enthusiasm but not much. I work from home and I am so busy I do not get out very often.
Well I did not think I could write such a long post … This has been a really interesting week. Gratitude to life !
Better late than never ;c))
Yes I make a REAL break both last weeks of the year. The purpose was not the go overall and celebrate Xmas and New Year with families. The purpose was to make a real break and this means for me being close to my daughters and my husband and not behind the computer at all. The computer is mainly a working tool for me and it stays in my office at home. It wouldn’t have been a real break if I had been behind meaning staying a while in the office. No I deeply needed a break and stay away from my office.
I am proud of myself I could make it ! I truly appreciated having days without constraints, going out for walks, reading books with my daughters, cooking with my husband, … only simple daily things. There has been no extended family visit as we realised a while ago that these are not the places where we fell good. We want this time to be just for the 4 of us. For me these family gatherings have never been really interesting. They have been energy sucking times as well. Those places where I cannot be myself are not my cup of tea. I thank the MKMMA as I know understand exactly why I could not feel well while being with extended families. Those places where there is no authenticity make me feel completely confused. In addition I find the time of the year a true call for staying inside both literally and figuratively.
I kept doing my main readings and then I realized that my routine is strangely linked to my working place and time. I practice my daily routine early in the morning while everyone else sleeps in the house before breakfast. I go in the office, read, write, prepare the exercises and sit. Therefore when I take a break for 1 day or more I am not in my routine space. I will keep thinking about that habit and find a way to make it an experience closer to the daily life.
I appreciated a lot the assignment to watch movies. This is something we do not do often then it was a really special time for my husband and I. We watched 2 of them ! “Wild” and “The good lie” (with the same actress by the way). We had nice times. Really like being on holiday, like before when we had no kids ;c))
On the one hand MKMMA has been put on the side a little bit but on the other hand it has been a real achievement to make this break and to stay away from extended families gatherings. Remaining ourselves and not doing what others expect from us.