Sunday’s webinar was very powerful. It inspired me a lot to write this blog post. Many thoughts are rushing in my mind. Pretty challenging to give them some written, sorted shape.
Until I became myself a parent I never really questioned my chilhood nor the relationship with my parents and my sister. Because we reap what we soil and because unstable balance happens to fall down one day, it happened about 3 years ago that our family completely fell into pieces.
Here started my Hero’s Journey ! The call to the adventure of quitting the known to cross the unknown and to reborn from its ashes.
The known is my place inside our family that was superfically and apparently comfortable. I was a model, always answering to what was expected from me, a brilliant sutdent, no crisis, no rebellion, the best friend of my sister, the loyal confidante of my mother, the ombudswoman to help all this tribe to understand each other, etc… I also was a silent observer. Observing my dad ruining his family with luxury hookers. Observing my mum working additional hours to provide for the lack of money. Observing them unable to communicate. And still being the good girl …
The call is: How long are you going to pretend yourself that this is ok for you ? How long are you going to keep quiet ? When are you going to blow up this secret that is consuming you ? When are you going to stop carrying a responsibility you should not carry ?
The unknown is the uncomfort of
- being the bad girl doing so much pain to her parents (not in my mind but well in their mind !!!),
- being excluded of the family nucleus realizing that now my sister has all her place,
- taking the responsability to ruin our unharmonious family structure
Difficulties, inharmonies, and obstacles, indicate that we are either refusing to give out what we no longer need, …
It took some months until it reached an unbearable point where I had no choice than letting go the banana. My silence was unacceptable. My mind was clogged and my creativity was down.
I laid on paper all what I had to tell them led by an urging need to unveil the truth and make them face up to their responsibilities. I sent the letters …
We cannot obtain what we lack if we tenaciously cling to what we have. …
I am lacking authentic and balanced relationghips inside my family. Relationships built on truth and justice. Relationships based on love, unconditional love. Relationships where everyone is at his legitimate place.
I am free ! I am relieved ! I am ready to continue my Hero’s Journey. Here comes the time for my rebirth, for discovering my purpose.